July 15, 2014

If you snooze, you lose track of the celebrities

     Do you ever wonder if you’ve been snoozing with Rip Van Winkle in Sleepy Hollow?  That’s the way I felt after turning to pages 14 and 15 in the latest edition of Forbes magazine.  Scanning the “Celebrity 100 Most Powerful Stars,” I had to rub the sleep out of my eyes.  I wondered: “Who are these people?”
     I guess that’s what I get for not watching TV or studying the grocery-store-check-out-line tabloids.  But in scanning two pages in the business/financial magazine, I was surprised how uniformed—make that ignorant—I was about the celebrity world.
Who’s J.J. Abrams?
     He made $28 million last year as a film/TV producer.
Gordon Ramsay?
Pharrell Williams
     Gordon pulled in $47 million as a chef and reality TV star, among other things.
The Swedish music newcomer needs just one name to make $28 million.
Pharrell Williams?
     I didn’t have a clue, until I read Pharrell made $22 million singing and songwriting.
One Direction?
     Hmmmm.  I guessed they sang. I was lucky, but the English-Irish pop boy band members are luckier with $75 million in their pockets.
Zooey Deschanel? 
     Uhhh, I was stumped—again.  Poor Zooey reported only $6 million as an actress, musician and singer/songwriter.
Bryan Cranston?
     He’s in Zooey’s earnings league, cashing in $7 million as an actor in things like Breaking Bad. Sorry, Bryan, my bad.
Seth MacFarlane?
    Well, he made five times—$35 million—more than Bryan while singing, acting and making people laugh.

Michael Bay?
     He had a good year—$66 million.  But I didn’t realize this film director/producer brought us Pearl Harbor and the Transformers series.
Peter Jackson
Peter Jackson?
     Peter pocketed—before taxes—a cool $50 million for directing films like The Lord of the Rings.  “Hobbit” I not know that?
Floyd Merriweather?
     Oh, I know. I’m just checking to see if you’re still with me.  The hard-punching boxer was the highest paid athlete, knocking down $105 million.
Cristiano Ronaldo?
     If I’ve read about Cristiano in Sports Illustrated, I have forgotten.  Still, the famous Portuguese footballer kicked $80 million into his wallet.
Lena Dunham?
     Guess I missed her in the film credits.  Sorry, Lena.  You barely made the list with a $3.5 million paycheck for acting, writing and being a comedian. 
Kaley Cuoco?
     Ditto for Kaley.  I had to scratch my head on this one, too.  But $11 million got Kaley—aka Penny on The Big Bang Theory— to flash a smirk smile for Forbes.  
Divergent series by Veronica Roth
Veronica Roth?
     In an off year, I read only 50 books.  But I’ve yet to turn the pages of this $17 million-a-year
novelist’s works.
Kerry Washington?
Kerry Washington
     Maybe it’s scandalous that I didn’t know this $6 million star of TV’s Scandal.
Kim Kardashian?
     Yes, I know.  I’m ashamed to admit it.  Her family’s name is everywhere.  Their fame puzzles me, but Kim has 27 million—as in dollars—reasons to not care about what I think.
Calvin Harris?
     You probably know, but I didn’t.  The Scottish DJ, singer/songwriter and producer got by on $66 million.
Mark Burnett?
     Gee, I am kind of embarrassed to be so dumb when it comes to who’s producing TV shows like The Apprentice, Survivor and The Voice.  Mark doesn’t mind.  He’s surviving on last year’s $86 million.
John Green?
     How can a voracious reader like me not know this author?  John shrugs.  He’s too busy counting his $9 million.
Dr. Dre?
     I had forgotten.   He’s the guy who sold his Beats headphone business to Apple for $3 billion.  That allowed him to set a celebrity record, making $620 million in 2013.  Sonny and Cher sang: “And the beat goes on.”  I bet some of you are wondering: “Who are Sonny and Cher?”

     OK.  I’ve bared my ignorance. It’s time to go back to zzzzzzzzzz.